When parents grieve
Monday, July 16th, 2007You’ll notice, as you get to know me here, that dealing with pregnancy loss is a big issue of mine. I have lost two children, one to miscarriage and one to stillbirth. No parent should ever have to deal with the agony of losing a child. But just because they shouldn’t have to, doesn’t mean that they don’t. That is just the world we live in.
If you’ve never suffered a loss like this (and I pray you haven’t), you might not know what to say to a friend of yours who does go through something like this. You may be worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, about making it worse. To let you off the hook a little, it’d be pretty hard to make it worse than it already is. And ignoring what happened might hurt some feelings. Kate at sweet | salty just posted today about a conversation with an old friend that dissolved into awkwardness after she told her friend that her son had died. The friend (childless by choice) obviously had no idea how to react or what to say so she just glossed over Kate’s sad news. I just don’t think there’s any excuse for that in this day and age. There’s something to be said for being young, childless, footloose and fancy free. But that doesn’t give you a platinum pass to discount other people’s grief in situations like this.
I’ve run across similar encounters in my unfortunate travels and gave the subject quite a bit of thought. Basically, there are some things you might want to avoid saying or doing if you are dealing with parents who have lost a child to infant death, miscarriage or stillbirth. And there are some things that if you do them will provide immeasurable comfort. After my miscarriage, I compiled a post of “dos and don’ts” for dealing with grieving parents. I highly suggest you give it a look, because this knowledge needs to be spread. It’s just a start and it’s only some small things, but the little things can make a difference. Believe me, I know.
