Parenting Sites 411

I admit that I have been in a funk the last few days. And it isn’t helping that this funk is obviously still here on the busiest day of our week. And as I work through my funk, I look at my son and wish he would do just a little bit more for himself. He isn’t ready for potty training, so I still have to do the dirty diapers. And he is still dependent on my to get his long legs into pants and his lanky arms through his shirt.

A while back I thought I stumbled on something to help Fuller get interested in dressing himself. I bought him some Cars PJs that entranced him. He loved telling me that there was a car on his shirt and protested loudly when I would have to take it off him to put on his shirt for the day. When it was time to put the car on him at night, he would try to put it over his head himself. I wondered if this would lead to him actually putting on clothes by himself.

I have looked into tips and tricks for teaching kids on how to dress themselves I haven’t really come up with much. According to the Babycenter website, this is part of a developmental milestone called “self care.” And the best advice I found was at the bottom of the article:

Encouragement is key. Whenever your child tries her hand at a new skill, tell her you’re proud she tried (regardless of the result) and urge her to try again. Don’t always jump in to help; it’s essential that she have enough time to master tasks on her own, at her own pace. Try not to pressure her before she’s ready, either. And be flexible: If allowing her to prepare her own breakfast means you’ll have to sweep cereal off the floor, go with the flow.

Encourage, let go, and be flexible. I think getting out of my funk would help too. Or just letting Fuller wear his PJs all over the place.

self care, toddlers, parenting flexibility

I know that it can be a real trap for parents to sink their entire lives into revolving around their children and only their children. Well, maybe some laundry can be thrown in for good measure, but then again, kids need the clean clothes, so maybe it really is still all about the children.

Since becoming a stay at home mom, I decided that I can’t fall into a rut where taking care of myself becomes a second or third or even sixth place item in my routine. I try really hard to get up before Fuller and at least shower. That forces me to get dressed or at least put on moisturizer. I discovered a gem of a friend who doesn’t work on Fridays and has no kids. If I ask in advance, she will happily watch Fuller while I go get my haircut or a pedicure. No, I haven’t gotten a pedicure yet, but I plan on it!

When I was in Ohio last week, my mom and I took Fuller to a near by outlet mall. It really made me tackle my fear of shopping with Fuller. There were many deals to be had and I walked away from the Talbot’s store with $6 capris and a $2.50 t-shirt. Other stuff too, but those were my steals of the day. I walked away feeling really good about myself.

Which is why today I am going shopping again. It is the first day of the tax-free holiday in Tennessee. I need/ want a new dress for a wedding and I have been coveting a pair of shoes, specifically these shoes, for a while. Do I plan on getting anything for Fuller? Maybe diapers, because they are tax free, but beyond that, not really. We might go to a thrift store and check them out, but really, I want stuff for me.

And of course, Fuller doesn’t have only one parent. He has a Daddy who wants “me time” too. He gets it when he has game night with the guys and gets time to work on his special projects.

I’ll admit we fall short in the category where we make time for each other. We try for the occasional date night every month or so, but it tends to be just dinner and a movie. Better than nothing, right?

So, give me some input here: how do you and your spouse make time for yourselves and each other.

mom time, dad time, date night, time away from the kids

Adding to the list of parenting experiences of which I am fearful of we have one quickly approaching.

Potty Training.

I can’t quite pin down why I am afraid of this because I know it will free up a lot of our lives and budget. Fuller will be able to take care of this bodily function and we can start saving our pennies for the next time we buy diapers for a little one.

I have been trying to get advice on the subject and everyone keeps pointing me to various books. While I don’t mind reading books, it just takes me a little while to get my act together to actually get the book in my hands. Which is probably why I tend to get so dependent on the internet for its advice.

So far, from my journeys into the internet archives, I have read about potty training readiness. This is usually where I get worried because I keep wondering, “Is he really ready?” I know I am ready to stop changing his dirty diapers. I know I am ready to stop traveling to the other side of the city to go to Sam’s to buy the bulk diapers we really like.

A few months back I tried to take the About: Pediatrics Potty Training Readiness Quiz. I thought the quiz was really long for an online quiz (I’m so used to those online quizzes that tell me while color I am or what character of Harry Potter I am) and I quit before finishing. I also think I lied on some of the answers because I figured if I answered “No” the quiz would tell me Fuller wasn’t ready. I think in reality I wasn’t ready.
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Cass is one of my online mom friends, and someone I kind of think of as a mentor. She has eight children, which makes me look to her with awe, and she has great advice, which makes me keep going back and reading her blog over and over.

I sent her the interview questions a few weeks ago, but my recent travels pushed it back to today. Cass gave great answers and I know you will enjoy her:

Hi, I’m Cass. I live in coastal North Carolina. I have eight children who range in age from 19 to 1. They are all still at home. I have been married twice, and my current husband and I have been married for 14 years. He’s the last one, too.

I have been blogging since June of 2004. My first blog is www.cassknits.com (Cass Knits) and I talk about knitting, homeschooling and scouting there. On www.motheringmany.com (Mothering Many) I talk more about daily life with eight children: tips, tricks, ideas and such. I have many other blogs, but those are the only ones that I discuss actual parenting on.

I started blogging because I enjoyed reading other people’s blogs and wanted a place to show off the stuff I knit. I continue to blog because I find that I have a lot to say. Even more startling is that there are people who are actually interested in reading what I write. I enjoy blogging for the friendships I’ve made, and for the creative outlet.

I’m not sure I can say blogging helps me as a parent. Certainly reading other mother’s blogs helps me, though.

I do worry about safety for my kids. I’m very open about my family in general, with lots of pictures, as you’ve noted. I figured early on that I could post pictures or use names, and the pictures won out. Yes, there are topics I don’t discuss in my blogs. Does the whole world need to know the most minute details of my struggles to parent a teen? No. Can the world benefit from me noting what I’ve learned during those same struggles? Yes. But I can couch it so that both my dignity and that of my children is preserved. I don’t want to say things on my blog(s) now that they will regret later. That’s partly a respect for their privacy, and partly a wish to not appear as fallible as I really am.

My three oldest children have blogs, though only the oldest is an avid blogger.

Oh my. What do I do when I am not blogging? Well, I either knit, clean or sleep, LOL!

I rarely look up parenting advice online, but when I do, I go first to www.askdrsears.com (Ask Dr. Sears). His was the first parenting book I ever read that mentioned more than 3 children as if it were normal. His ideas are sound, and I heartily recommend his books, as well as his website.

As for parenting blogs I like to read, you’ll have to check out the sidebars of both the blogs I mentioned above. They are too numerous to list here.

So Fuller and I just got back from our two week trip. One week we went South, to Alabama, and the next week we went North, to Ohio.

This is the first time I have driven such distances with Fuller and only Fuller. No Damon, no dogs, just me and the boy. I admit that I was a bit nervous about it, especially because I think that when we all drive as a family, Fuller gets a lot of attention from the parent not driving. This is so that he is happy and comfortable, not a whiny mess.

Thankfully, we survived. Fuller is an excellent traveler, especially when the DVD player is involved. And he sleeps in the car, something that other parents have told me is rare. On the way home on Saturday, he slept through the entire state of Kentucky. That was great for me, because I could concentrate on driving and listening to what I wanted. Too bad my ipod pooped out on me halfway through the state.
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Fuller has awesome grandparents. My inlaws are enjoying their roles as the doting grandparents and I love taking Fuller to hang out with my parents. We just got back from a two week trip going South to visit Grandma Linda and Grandpa Albert, taking a short break at home and then heading North to visit Vieja (my mom).

Fuller interacts differently with each grandparent, mainly because each grandparent is so different. My MIL likes to sit and cuddle with the grandkids, or watch them play at her feet. She will happily change diapers and make sure they are fed or hydrated.

My FIL likes to spoil, spoil, spoil. Cookies and ice cream for breakfast? Sure, at Grandpa Albert’s house! Trip to the playground? Of course Grandpa Albert will take you! On this recent trip Albert and Linda took the grandkids (my niece and nephew were there too) to the dollar store to have them pick out anything they wanted.

My mom loves to plan things for she and Fuller to do together. Making cutout cookies, reading books, singing songs, and playing the piano are at the top of their list. Mom also enjoys doing some clothes shopping for her only grandson. This helps us out financially as well, which is one of her goals, and I appreciate it.

And my dad (aka Grandpa Fred), who is currently serving in Afghanistan, is looking forward to teaching Fuller to canoe and enjoy nature. Daddy would take walks with Fuller as long as Fuller’s legs will carry him.

The Grandkids and Me Foundation is a foundation dedicated to improving grandchild relationships through camps, stories, meetings, and grandkid days. According to the 11 truths about Grandparenting:
There are approximately 65 million grandparents in our country today; by 2020, that number will grow to 98 million. And Don Schmitz’s ABC’s of Grandparenting is inspiring to read and understand what role a grandparent can play in your child’s life. (Seriously, I have tears in my eyes reading it.)

I believe that the relationship that Fuller has with his grandparents is going to help shape him into the man we want him to become. Any child’s realtionship with his or her grandparents is very important. I think knowing your parents’ parents helps children understand their own parents and where they come from. Over at parenthood.com, their article on the subject points out that grandparents give kids diversity, because they all have different ways of looking at things based on their own backgrounds and values. Fuller will learn a lot about different cultures from my parents’ different travels around the world. And Damon’s parents can give him a first hand account of living in Montgomery, AL during the civil rights movement.

What kind of relationship do you hope your children have with his or her grandparents? What do you do to help build that bond?

grandparents, relationships, grandchildren

I have a confession: I am scared to take Fuller shopping with me. I’m not so scared that I am paralyzed by the idea, but I am constantly running the scenarios through my mind and having to psych myself up in order to get through shopping.

I worry that Fuller will becoming a screaming idiot that I can’t control. Or I worry that he will knock over a display or swipe something from a shelf that will end up in my purse and caught in the detectors. I get frustrated when I know that taking him on any shopping trip will make the experience last about 40 minutes longer. I have to tell him “No” so many times I feel bad. I have to force him to sit down in the shopping cart (”On your bottom!”) over and over.

As time goes by, I do think about it less and less, and it is a fact of life that Fuller has to come with me often. But I still fret over it, mainly because I know it would be easier to just do it by myself. (Maybe there is a little mourning for the loss of my independence in there as well.)

Well, as is the theme of this site, I decided to turn to my back up parenting method (my first being my instincts) the internet.

The first google result ended up with Ten Tips for Shopping with Children over on the website The Natural Child Project. I really try to live by number 6, avoid crowds, even when I don’t have Fuller with me. It just makes sense. (A major reason why I do a lot of Christmas shopping online.) But the tip that spoke to me the most was number 2:

2. Remember that children are naturally curious.
Children are naturally curious; this is how they learn about the world around them. If they want to examine an attractive item, please don’t scold them. Instead, help them to hold the item safely, or let them know that it can be viewed but not touched. You might say “This is breakable, so let’s just look at it together.” Even if an item cannot be purchased, it can be helpful to share the child’s enthusiasm and interest in it.

I think I fear the shopping with Fuller experience so much that I often forget what kinds of teaching experiences I can glean from the time together. At home we have been working on numbers and my mind has been reshaped to show him the number experience in the store.

Health24.com has an entertaining and educational article on taking the toddlers shopping. The parent tips focus on grocery shopping. I must admit that I often find myself, due to time constraints, with a hungry toddler at the store (tip number 1: don’t take a hungry toddler to the grocery!). I usually take snacks for Fuller so that he can eat that if he starts to sign and yell “eat.”

And finally, there are 12 tips for shopping with children at ChildFriendly.org. I admit that I often push myself too much to get the shopping “done,” which ignores tip number 11. Maybe I just need to slow down and enjoy the experience of being with my son a bit more. I mean, isn’t that why I quit my job in the first place?

So, what tips or stories do you have for shopping with your kids?

shopping with children, shopping, shopping tips

I grew up as a pastor’s kid, so Easter was a big deal at our house. One of the things that my dad enjoyed was holding Easter Sunrise Services. My mom did not. So to save their marriage, they had a deal where Daddy could have all the sunrise services he wanted while Momma slept in.

It worked out really well because my sisters and I would go to the service with Daddy and when we got home our Spring baskets would be waiting for us, along with hot cross buns. (One of the main reasons that we went to the services with Daddy was because there was a chance someone brought donuts.)

My most vivid Easter memory is the year I got really ill and because everyone had to go to church for the regular service, I slept in our van in the church parking lot. That is really all I remember, but it is a vivid memory.

Our family hasn’t really developed any tried and true Easter traditions yet. And Fuller’s memory hasn’t started retaining events, just the need for food and juice. I wanted to do the egg dying with a friend, but that has been postponed due to Fuller developing a cold.

So, I wish your family a Happy Easter and ask, “What are you family traditions and memories of Easter?”

Easter, Easter traditions, memories, family

I have a big day ahead of me. I have to whip this house into shape in order to feel like a proper hostess for a playdate tomorrow. Since staying at home, we have been to a few playdates and now it is time to reciprocate one. As a bonus, I am kicking my butt to get the house cleaned. (Here is a tip: invite someone that you aren’t as familiar with. I thought I would clean my house for a playdate with my bestfriend and I guess I am too comfortable with her because my house was wrecked when she came over.)

This past Sunday our church had a pancake dinner and dying eggs was part of the program for the little ones. Fuller got to dye his first egg and he seemed to have a pretty good time, so why not do it again? I called a mom from our church and asked her and her daughter to come over for egg dying, lunch, and a possible playground trip. So, in addition to cleaning the house, I am needing to prepare for two two and half year olds to dye hardboiled eggs.
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At the end of April, or in early May, our family is going camping. Just Damon, Fuller, and me.

We have been camping with Fuller before, Thanksgiving of 2005, with extended family in Florida. It was so much fun that Damon and I decided we would have to do it again, soon. Well, soon is a year and a half later, and we think we are ready.

Camping with a toddler, child, or teen can be a challenge. They all want to explore, be independent, and may not understand why we are sleeping in tents and eating over a campfire. When Damon first brought up the camping at Thanksgiving idea, I was dubious, not sure if I could keep up with a 16 month old. My family reminded me that we would be surrounded by 11 adults who would all help to keep Fuller safe and within a few inches of any adult. And 11 to 1 ratio seemed pretty good to me.

Now that we are making plans to camp again, this time with a 2 to 1 ratio, I have been scouring the internet for ideas and tips. Turns out the internet has plenty to say on the subject!
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Our son is a driving force for a lot of what I do. When he was a baby I wanted to share his life with our family, but they are so spread out that I knew the internet would become an accomplice in our quest to keep everyone up to date.

I started the Daily Fuller Fix in order to let people, especially the grandparents, see Fuller everyday. Now, I will be the first to admit that I don’t always do the best at updating everyday, but I try. And we backdate liberally.

It seems pretty simple, one picture a day of my son. In response to that I have to say, “Thank goodness for digital.”
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